1 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,220 Sorry for the long borrow. 2 00:00:12,888 --> 00:00:14,890 Why the indoor shades, you weirdo? 3 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,810 Ew. You okay? 4 00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:21,188 Just a really bad UTI. 5 00:00:22,898 --> 00:00:24,525 Oh. 6 00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:26,235 Oh... 7 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,743 Do you think he wanted you to see the list? 8 00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:36,870 I don't know. I mean, it wasn't-- 9 00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:38,872 It wasn't out on display. 10 00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,290 Oh, shit. 11 00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:42,751 -Did you snoop? -No, I didn't snoop. 12 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,712 It was there, just under the fruit bowl. 13 00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:47,631 Just behind some bills. 14 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,428 I've always felt an affinity with Rachel from Friends. 15 00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:57,558 I thought it was my hair, but now I know. 16 00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:05,649 Dickhead. 17 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:12,155 Here's what I think. 18 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:13,448 You can't have a breakdown today. 19 00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:16,034 You've gotta go to your awards do, and you need to not look like a pig. 20 00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:17,619 I really don't wanna look like a pig. 21 00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:19,788 And it's better that you know this now, honey. 22 00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:21,957 Yeah. I promise you. 23 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,001 You find out five years down the line? Jesus. 24 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,919 -You know, you might kill yourself. -I wouldn't kill myself. 25 00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:28,130 I know you wouldn't kill yourself, but you know. 26 00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:30,507 You'd be fucked. 27 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:31,883 -Yeah. -Yeah. 28 00:01:31,967 --> 00:01:34,469 -It is better that I know this now. -Yeah. 29 00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:35,637 Okay. 30 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,016 -How's my dress look? -Oh, yeah. 31 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,977 I mean, there's a small deodorant stain, but otherwise. 32 00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:45,814 Hey, do you want me to stay? I could do your hair. 33 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,276 Fuck off! 34 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,530 -I love you. -I love you more. 35 00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,287 Have fun tonight! 36 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,413 Ow! 37 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,251 Ow. 38 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,995 I think my suit's too big, Mum. 39 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:44,247 I think it's fine. 40 00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:48,126 -No. -What? 41 00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:50,879 Nothing, I need to get to a toilet. Come on. 42 00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:53,173 Sorry. Oh, sorry, sorry. 43 00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:56,718 Excuse me, I just need to get to-- Sorry. 44 00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:58,887 -I just need to get-- -Sorry. This is the queue. 45 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:01,098 Oh, yeah, I'm a nominee. Sorry, I'm just... 46 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,266 -Mum, don't. -I'm a nominee. 47 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,602 It's not the Oscars. The queue's the queue. 48 00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:08,855 -Gotcha. Yeah, yeah. -What did she say? 49 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,567 -She's a nominee. -I'm a nominee, bitch! 50 00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:16,530 Oh, that was terrifying. 51 00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:24,287 I'm still in the queue. 52 00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:25,831 -Has Jessie arrived? -I haven't seen her. 53 00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,165 Get in here, I need you! 54 00:03:27,249 --> 00:03:29,251 -Fuck, I tried. -Just go to the front, 55 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:30,919 ask for Nicky, and name-drop me. 56 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:32,003 I'm scared of the women. 57 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,131 Don't be a testicle, do it. 58 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:36,341 Come on. 59 00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:37,926 -Come on. -Mum, no. 60 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,010 It's fine. 61 00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:42,681 Sorry, I'm just... 62 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:43,890 Yeah. 63 00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:46,351 -It's unbelievable. -Oh, give me a break. 64 00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:47,769 I've got a UTI. 65 00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:57,988 Sam. 66 00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,573 I need a toilet and a drink. 67 00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:01,241 Oh, your tit's hanging out. 68 00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:03,201 Ugh, I know. The strap snapped. 69 00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:05,078 It's vintage. Not my tits. 70 00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:07,247 Oh, they're retro. I need to piss or I'll die. 71 00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:11,168 I'll keep an eye out for Charlotte. I dreamt that Liv did a mass shooting. 72 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,086 The last person she killed was Charlotte. 73 00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:14,296 At least she didn't kill us. 74 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:15,922 Mm, she killed us first, Alex. 75 00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,466 Oh, shit. 76 00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:22,471 When's Plum getting here? 77 00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:24,097 Yeah, that's what I'd like to know. 78 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,852 Can you get me a drink? 79 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,729 I am restricted of movement. 80 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,318 Not Prosecco! 81 00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:43,033 Hi. 82 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,122 Oh, fuck. 83 00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,999 Oh, this is hell. 84 00:04:58,548 --> 00:04:59,758 Oh, fuck. 85 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,048 What is this? 86 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:41,883 Well, you said no Prosecco and there was only Baileys 87 00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:43,009 -or Prosecco. -Not Baileys. 88 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:45,011 Go and find me a grown woman's drink. 89 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,812 Look, Malcolm's on Grayson's table, too. 90 00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:55,522 How the hell did he manage that? 91 00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:58,024 -Seriously, fuck him. -Finally! Thank you. 92 00:05:58,108 --> 00:06:00,026 And fuck anyone who thinks I'm not good enough for them. 93 00:06:00,819 --> 00:06:02,153 Are you alright? 94 00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:04,155 I'm having a tough one too, with Patrick. 95 00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:05,490 I'm not having a tough one. 96 00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:07,450 Frank's just trying to get a reaction out of me. 97 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,327 Thinks space would be good for us. 98 00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:10,704 Oh, shit, really? 99 00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:12,163 Don't worry, it's not happening. 100 00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:15,250 Oh, I heard that Coco August is here somewhere. 101 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:17,043 She flew in from Portland last night. 102 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:19,254 She MeToo'd her UK agent and they dropped her. 103 00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:20,589 And? 104 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:23,258 Her last book was about an affair with her mother. 105 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:24,926 -Not for me. -Yeah, and the one before 106 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,887 every horny woman in the UK read. 107 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:30,640 Incest is an untapped market, trust me. Let's get her. 108 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,058 Jesus. 109 00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,686 Oh, Christ. 110 00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,146 -Eugenie and Beatrice arrived. -Move over there. 111 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,439 It's not all about you. 112 00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:39,608 Bring them over to our table. 113 00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:42,152 I'll follow in once I've strapped these puppies down. 114 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,278 Okay. 115 00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:46,615 Charlotte. Liv. Wow. 116 00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:48,950 -We don't want to move. -Looking wonderful, ladies. 117 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,285 Like sisters. 118 00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:52,829 But you know, with a big age gap. 119 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,831 -Should we go to our table? -Well, 120 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,083 let's hope there's some bad boys here this year, 121 00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:59,169 and it's not just one big fanny fest. 122 00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:01,922 Follow me with my bag, Livonia. 123 00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:03,882 -Darling! -I've thought a lot 124 00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,383 about what you said the other day 125 00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:07,302 about making myself happy. 126 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:08,803 Oh, well, that's great, and I was-- 127 00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:10,680 So, I've written my mother's speech. 128 00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:14,142 I'm not gonna be ignored any longer. 129 00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:30,825 -What would be in the goody bag? -I don't know, free shit. 130 00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:33,620 Do you want me to go over your "thank yous" with you, Charlotte? 131 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,497 Have you got my pork pie? 132 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:36,665 Livonia? 133 00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,541 My miniature pork pie. 134 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,293 Charlotte, your list of people 135 00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:41,878 you'd like to thank, like Liv. 136 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,380 -Thank? -Yeah. 137 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,507 No! Anecdotes, darling. 138 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,509 Anecdotes, that's what the people want. 139 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,094 Anecdotes. 140 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:51,596 -Oh, is that Barbara Allen? -Hi! It's me. 141 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,765 Good Lord, she's had a facelift. 142 00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:56,142 Well, one side, anyway. 143 00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,686 -She's on planet awesome right now. -Barbara, darling! 144 00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,896 -I don't think-- -Words on a page 145 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,190 don't just magically appear, you know. 146 00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:04,275 How do you mean? 147 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,903 I wrote Wagon Burner. 148 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,073 -You wrote-- Sorry, what? -And I might as well tell you. 149 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,492 I wrote her last six books as well. 150 00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:15,453 Every word she's published, in fact, since she unretired herself. 151 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:17,914 You're joking. 152 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,207 I have no sense of humor... 153 00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,042 -No, I know, but-- -...when it comes to my mother. 154 00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:22,711 Yeah, what I meant. 155 00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:24,838 When you said, "make yourself happy." 156 00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:26,172 No, I didn't mean-- No. 157 00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:27,549 -What I said was-- -No, no, it gave me clarity. 158 00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:30,218 Unburden yourself. It's time everyone knew the truth. 159 00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,846 I won't be a lady-in-waiting any longer. 160 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,098 Liv, Liv, listen, you can't do that, okay? 161 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:38,101 Not here. If the publisher found out, we wouldn't have a publisher. 162 00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:39,352 -We wouldn't have a business. -No, no. 163 00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:40,311 That's my decision. 164 00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:44,566 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get intemperately hammered. 165 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,741 Oh, shit. 166 00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,617 No sign of Coco. 167 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,704 She's like bloody Lord Lucan. People keep insisting they've seen her. 168 00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:59,664 -Sam, I need to talk to you. -Apparently, she's disgusted 169 00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:01,249 by the lack of a decent bar. 170 00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:02,792 Okay, listen. Sorry about this. 171 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,294 What's wrong? Are you stressed? 172 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,087 I'm sure I've got a pill in my bag somewhere. 173 00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,089 No, it's not that, it's-- 174 00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:10,133 Forget your personal shit. We can't have anything 175 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:11,843 fucking up the night for us. 176 00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:14,804 We are nominees and winners for one night only. 177 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,891 We need to lock Coco down before someone else does. 178 00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:26,024 Mum, I can't find any drinks without cream in them. 179 00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:27,317 Oh, just forget that. 180 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,860 -But Sam didn't-- -Just sit down. 181 00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:30,945 Table's half empty, it looks bad. 182 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,238 Where's fucking Plum? 183 00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:35,575 Marion Ottilie Chambers Bryce! 184 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:51,341 Hello, women. 185 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,221 There's so much estrogen 186 00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:57,806 -in the room this evening. -What? 187 00:09:57,889 --> 00:09:59,891 I think my periods are back. 188 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:05,855 Welcome, everybody, to what promises to be 189 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,774 an extraordinary evening. 190 00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:10,610 So wonderful to see some young faces 191 00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:13,321 as well as the old, craggy, bitter ones. 192 00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:15,532 What the fuck is happening tonight? 193 00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:19,285 Apparently, Coco August 194 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,954 only drinks vodka and smokes crack. 195 00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:23,998 Well, I have no idea where to get crack, 196 00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,834 so could you run to the nearest off-license 197 00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:27,961 and get me a couple of bottles of vodka? 198 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:30,171 I'm gonna go backstage and try and find... 199 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,423 -Where the hell is Plum? -The nominees are... 200 00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:33,633 This is not like her. 201 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:36,636 ...Chloe Huntington Smith, Pov Kid. 202 00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:37,971 -Mum. -What? 203 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:40,557 Look, something happened last night with Plum. 204 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,851 And it's not what happened that's worrying me. 205 00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:44,936 It's just the amount of headspace that it's using up. 206 00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:46,062 Ruari, what did you do? 207 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,273 I mean, did something go wrong? Is that why she's not here? 208 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:49,315 Ruari, what happened? 209 00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:50,942 You're such a hypocrite, Mum! 210 00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:53,695 Stop worrying about my behavior. Worry about yours. 211 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:54,904 Why are you hosting this creep 212 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,197 -at our table? -I'm not. He's not even-- 213 00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:58,408 -You know, he was weird with Plum. -No. 214 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,535 -What did he do? -Why does it matter what he did? 215 00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:03,663 You're telling me him being a creep is big news to you? 216 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,666 This is a terrible thing to say, okay? 217 00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:08,877 But sometimes this is just the shit women have to deal with. 218 00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,671 -Ruari. -Excuse me. I have to go buy booze 219 00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:13,256 -so you can get that writer drunk. -And the winner is 220 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:14,507 Chloe Huntington Smith! 221 00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,634 I bloody hope he's talking about me. 222 00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:18,678 Pov Kid. 223 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,610 And now, we take a moment 224 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,487 to remember all of the giants of the industry 225 00:11:36,571 --> 00:11:37,906 who we've sadly lost. 226 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,161 Oh, Harriet. 227 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:45,371 I wonder if Linda Holland will be up there. 228 00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:48,041 She's not been answering her phone. 229 00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:52,837 Ruari. 230 00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,549 Ruari. Hey. 231 00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,968 -Sorry about-- -Mum, just... 232 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,970 What the hell are you drinking? 233 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,556 Vodka? Will you just... 234 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,558 Oh, shitballs. 235 00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:12,482 -Fuck me. -Well, that was fucking trippy. 236 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:15,068 Charlotte, I am so sorry that I'm... 237 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,527 Heads are gonna roll. Honestly. 238 00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:18,446 I'm sending a very strongly worded WhatsApp 239 00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:20,573 to the organizers right now. 240 00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:23,076 Bless them. May they all rest in peace. 241 00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:26,537 -We move on now to the award for... -Charlotte. 242 00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:28,957 Charlotte, your award's coming up very soon, 243 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:32,460 so everyone will see that you are very much still alive. 244 00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:34,462 -Okay? -Camille Hicks. 245 00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:46,057 And the Agency of the Year Award goes to... 246 00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:49,477 just a little old place called Noble, Harding and Cole. 247 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:50,728 Yes! 248 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,774 No. Oh, no, I'm so sorry. Stay, stay. 249 00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:00,947 Oh, my goodness, 250 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,907 I was not expecting this... 251 00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,452 and yet, it does feel prophetic. 252 00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:10,081 -Stop drinking straight vodka! -As all of you know, unless you've had 253 00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,959 your heads up your holes, it's actually now just Cole and Noble. 254 00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:16,421 We miss Harriet every day. 255 00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:20,425 Her bitter wit, her dusty shoulders, 256 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:24,554 her passion for championing ethnic voices. 257 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,222 -Huh? -And on that note, we want to continue... 258 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,182 -I found her. -...the Harriet Harding tradition... 259 00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:30,560 -Ruari, did you get the vodka? -Yeah. 260 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,604 Marion Rahal, Tazi Bello, 261 00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:36,941 and Yafa Barghouti 262 00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:39,652 are just some of the diverse young voices 263 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:42,322 that we have recently signed in her honor. 264 00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:45,408 Thank you. Thank you so much. Enjoy your warm Pinot Grigio. 265 00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:51,789 Sam, how was I supposed to know 266 00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:54,792 -he was gonna do that? -I fucking told you, Alex. 267 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,336 I said he was unreliable. 268 00:13:56,419 --> 00:14:00,006 Look, I am gutted, okay? Believe me. But if you'd taken him on 269 00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:01,674 -when I suggested-- -It made no business sense. 270 00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,051 Oh, what, and this makes business sense? 271 00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:05,053 Running around like Challenge fucking Anneka 272 00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,430 trying to land a writer who's never gonna sign with us. 273 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:10,099 -Avoiding reality. -I'm avoiding? You're delusional. 274 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,060 You wanna talk about delusional? Look at your marriage. 275 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:17,482 I'm sorry, I... 276 00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,735 I don't know why I said that. 277 00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:21,944 I'm sorry. 278 00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:24,197 I have to pee. 279 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,330 Ah! She's back from the dead. 280 00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:33,998 -Joking, joking, joking. -Hello, darling. 281 00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:35,208 How are you, my darling? 282 00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:13,454 And the nominees are Carol Rogers, Puff. 283 00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:16,833 Femi Roberts, Desperate Roads. 284 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,502 Jessie Finlay, Baby Fingers. 285 00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:21,921 And Anna James, I Love Edward. 286 00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:23,673 Where's Sam? 287 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,842 And the best newcomer is... 288 00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,512 Jessie Finlay! 289 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:32,390 -Oh, fuck. -For her debut novel, Baby Fingers. 290 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:41,315 I was on the jury for that one. You're welcome. 291 00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,616 Sorry, Jessie... 292 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,952 can't be here, unfortunately. 293 00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,537 Sorry. Sam? 294 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,666 Okay, she's definitely gone. 295 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,087 Jessie's an inspiration to me. 296 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,424 She took the worst thing that could happen to a person 297 00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:08,176 and she turned it into art. 298 00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:12,388 It's not the cards you're dealt. 299 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,474 It's the way you play them. 300 00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:15,516 Thank you. 301 00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:18,936 Oh, and can I say... 302 00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:22,482 Just a quick thank you to my son, Ruari. 303 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:24,609 My mummy, everybody. 304 00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:26,819 And I'm very proud of him. 305 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,909 Alex Shaw there for her client, Jessie Finlay. 306 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,702 What are you doing? 307 00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:37,121 Table 19! Finally found you. 308 00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:38,998 Coco August. Pleased to meet you. 309 00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,042 -Coco, hi. -Here. 310 00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,127 My mum would like to get you pissed. 311 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,587 -Oh. -Are you a pervert? 312 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,923 She loves perverts. 313 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,217 -There's one of them. -Cheers. 314 00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:51,969 Okay, who wants a proper drink? 315 00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:54,430 Do you mind if I join you? 316 00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:59,435 Best Biography next. 317 00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:04,524 And the nominees are Jane Falker for Urch. 318 00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:14,158 I had to go to two different places to get this fucking tit tape. 319 00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:16,118 And then I got stuck on a tube because some idiot 320 00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:17,745 decided to just have a dance on the tracks, 321 00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:20,248 and I'd had no signal, and then my bloody battery died. 322 00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:21,707 Does Sam wanna kill me? 323 00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:26,087 Oh, shit. Am I fired? 324 00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:54,240 And now, to our final prize of the evening, 325 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:56,075 Lifetime Achievement. 326 00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:58,619 Charlotte, just remember, a big thank you for Liv. 327 00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:02,790 Okay, just, "Thank you to my daughter, Liv, without whom..." 328 00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:03,916 I'll write it down. 329 00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:07,211 You know, I think I'll go up there with my mother, 330 00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:08,504 say a few words. 331 00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:11,340 She's had a very long career. So much to say. 332 00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:13,718 -I think that's a... -Please welcome, 333 00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:15,720 James Norton! 334 00:18:16,387 --> 00:18:17,930 Oh. 335 00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,228 Thank you, thank you. Hi. 336 00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,063 Hi. Hi. 337 00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:29,317 Thank you. 338 00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:31,319 Oh, sorry. 339 00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:32,903 Thank you. Thank you so much, thank you. 340 00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:36,490 Thank you. Wow, I've never seen this many happy women in one room 341 00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:38,409 since Taylor Swift played Wembley. 342 00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:42,079 I was backstage. 343 00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:47,668 I have a lot to thank this particular lady writer for. 344 00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:50,129 I got my proverbial big break, 345 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:53,132 fresh out of drama school, in a fringe adaptation 346 00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:55,509 -of The Bellenden Boys. -Who's the hottie? 347 00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:57,428 -He's someone you worked with. -I remember Charlotte 348 00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,889 would pop into our cramped little dressing room 349 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,682 as the boys and I were getting changed. 350 00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:05,019 She encouraged me to cast aside any reservations I had 351 00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:07,938 about full frontal or posterior nudity, 352 00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:09,023 and I realized... 353 00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:10,858 Charlotte? Charlotte? 354 00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:12,443 Just remember, "Thank you, Liv. 355 00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:13,861 -Thank you." -How's my hair? 356 00:19:13,944 --> 00:19:16,614 Could you please just focus? "Thank you, Liv." 357 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:19,992 And one very grateful young actor. 358 00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:24,914 Please join me in welcoming to the stage the one and only Charlotte Arbor. 359 00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:27,875 "Thank you, Liv." 360 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:33,547 Oh, thank you! Thank you so much. 361 00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:36,092 Thank you. I think you made the right choice. 362 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,927 Sorry. Who are you? 363 00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,638 Jesus. Is this lady okay? 364 00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,139 -She doesn't look too good. -Huh? 365 00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:44,141 -Oh, shit. Liv! Oh my God. -Oh my God. Oh, God! 366 00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:45,518 We need a doctor. 367 00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:46,977 -What do we do? -Salman Rushdie and I 368 00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:48,979 -were skinny dipping. -Are you a doctor? 369 00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:50,356 -I'm a gynecologist. -Okay, fine. 370 00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:51,691 No, dear, fuck off. 371 00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:52,900 -Oh, my God. -Jesus Christ. 372 00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:55,027 That is one unlucky table. 373 00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:58,531 -Okay, this way. -You're gonna be fine. 374 00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:00,533 You look better already, I think. 375 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:03,744 Oh, do you have anything for a UTI? 376 00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:05,621 It's a borderline kidney infection. 377 00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,166 I have to complete 378 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,876 my level two in first aid. 379 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,170 -Shit. -Should we get a drink first? 380 00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:14,964 Okay. 381 00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:21,011 -Can you believe that? -Well, yes, of course I can. 382 00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:22,430 Charlotte. 383 00:20:22,513 --> 00:20:24,223 Has Livonia done an Irish goodbye? 384 00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:25,933 She could never handle her drink. 385 00:20:26,016 --> 00:20:29,270 This nice young man is helping me to my car. 386 00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:32,440 Coco August? Oh, my God. 387 00:20:32,523 --> 00:20:34,316 -I'm a huge fan. -Oh. 388 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,486 I heard that Mummy Ache might be getting its own adaptation. 389 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:38,904 I would love to talk to you about-- 390 00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:40,239 Oh, shit. 391 00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:45,536 You going to Randalls after this? 392 00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:53,043 Hi, you big prick. 393 00:20:57,673 --> 00:21:00,384 When did it all stop being fun, eh? 394 00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:02,511 When we were about ten. 395 00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:05,181 I got kicked in the back by a pony when I was ten, so. 396 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,766 Through great adversity... 397 00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:09,059 Made me the woman I am today. 398 00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:11,479 Or not today, but... 399 00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:13,439 I'd say even today. 400 00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:17,401 You're the best woman here, my dear, by some margin. 401 00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:23,115 Fuck off. 402 00:21:54,688 --> 00:21:56,106 Mm, morning. 403 00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:17,419 Oh, fuck. 404 00:22:24,510 --> 00:22:26,011 Oh, she wakes. 405 00:22:26,095 --> 00:22:28,973 My God, you snore like a navvy. 406 00:22:29,056 --> 00:22:31,600 Sorry, what are you-- what do you... 407 00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:33,018 You don't want breakfast? 408 00:22:33,477 --> 00:22:34,854 No, thank you. 409 00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:36,772 How did I get here? 410 00:22:36,856 --> 00:22:40,526 You called a cab and said, "Let's go to your place and partay." 411 00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:44,822 Well, I don't know how this... 412 00:22:44,905 --> 00:22:45,906 So. 413 00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:48,450 -I assume nothing. -You don't remember? 414 00:22:49,326 --> 00:22:50,870 Well, I'm very offended. 415 00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:55,541 Oh, shit. 416 00:23:00,170 --> 00:23:01,255 Got everything? 417 00:23:02,298 --> 00:23:04,884 Oh, the Spanx. 418 00:23:19,023 --> 00:23:20,316 Oh, God. 419 00:23:26,113 --> 00:23:27,114 Oh. 420 00:23:40,711 --> 00:23:41,670 Hey. 421 00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:43,213 Any news on Liv? 422 00:23:43,297 --> 00:23:46,800 No, I was gonna check in once I had a bit more moisture in my mouth. 423 00:23:47,635 --> 00:23:48,928 I'm sorry, Sam. 424 00:23:49,011 --> 00:23:50,054 Yeah. 425 00:23:50,930 --> 00:23:52,264 Figured you might be. 426 00:23:53,849 --> 00:23:55,351 I'm fucking pissed off with you. 427 00:23:55,434 --> 00:23:57,937 Well, you couldn't be any more pissed off with me 428 00:23:58,020 --> 00:23:59,605 than I am with myself. 429 00:23:59,688 --> 00:24:00,898 Well, that's debatable. 430 00:24:01,815 --> 00:24:04,652 Anyway, Malcolm Hammond just called 431 00:24:04,735 --> 00:24:06,946 and he's signing. 432 00:24:07,029 --> 00:24:08,530 We've called the lawyers. 433 00:24:10,157 --> 00:24:12,284 And, yeah, it's actually happening. 434 00:24:12,368 --> 00:24:13,744 No. 435 00:24:13,827 --> 00:24:15,579 No, I don't want that. 436 00:24:15,663 --> 00:24:17,873 Firstly, it's happening. And secondly... 437 00:24:18,832 --> 00:24:21,085 congrats on your bonus. You've earned it. 438 00:24:22,252 --> 00:24:23,337 Oh, sh... 439 00:24:24,213 --> 00:24:25,214 Oh, God. 440 00:24:33,889 --> 00:24:35,057 Oh, fuck. 441 00:24:39,061 --> 00:24:40,688 -Alex? -Oh, shit. 442 00:24:40,771 --> 00:24:42,731 -Are you peeing? -No, I... 443 00:24:43,691 --> 00:24:45,025 I dropped my pencil. 444 00:24:46,568 --> 00:24:48,487 -Looking for my pencil. -Can I talk to you for a second? 445 00:24:48,570 --> 00:24:49,905 No, I don't think so. 446 00:24:49,989 --> 00:24:51,365 Can I at least help you find your pencil? 447 00:24:52,116 --> 00:24:53,701 Why are you making a joke? 448 00:24:53,784 --> 00:24:55,661 -Because this is awful. -You should have told me two months ago... 449 00:24:55,744 --> 00:24:57,246 -And I'm trying-- -...that you still might want a child, 450 00:24:57,329 --> 00:24:59,540 instead of letting me read it from a piece of paper 451 00:24:59,623 --> 00:25:01,250 -under a fruit bowl. -If you just listen, I wrote that 452 00:25:01,333 --> 00:25:02,960 weeks ago after a therapy session 453 00:25:03,043 --> 00:25:07,131 when I felt trapped by how much I like you. 454 00:25:08,090 --> 00:25:11,802 And we both thought that writing a list might help. 455 00:25:11,885 --> 00:25:13,262 What, to talk yourself out of it? 456 00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:14,471 No, to talk myself into it. 457 00:25:14,555 --> 00:25:16,140 -Oh, great. -Oh, Alex. 458 00:25:16,223 --> 00:25:18,600 Look, I don't want to lose something this good 459 00:25:18,684 --> 00:25:21,145 for something I'm not certain I even want. 460 00:25:21,228 --> 00:25:22,980 Yeah, you're not certain. 461 00:25:24,064 --> 00:25:25,232 So, you might. 462 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,652 You know, what if you end up 463 00:25:28,736 --> 00:25:31,822 regretting it, or resenting me? 464 00:25:32,656 --> 00:25:34,992 You don't even know what it is that you'd be giving up. 465 00:25:36,326 --> 00:25:38,412 Okay? I do. 466 00:25:42,166 --> 00:25:43,208 I... 467 00:25:45,419 --> 00:25:47,504 You should be relieved, Patrick. 468 00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:50,549 I'm making it so easy for you. 469 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,969 You should-- oh, shit! 470 00:25:56,472 --> 00:25:58,599 -You alright, pal? -No! 471 00:25:58,682 --> 00:26:00,642 -Here, let's get out of here. -No! What? 472 00:26:00,726 --> 00:26:02,728 Ah, don't move me! Don't move me! Don't move me! 473 00:26:02,811 --> 00:26:04,605 How do you feel? 474 00:26:04,688 --> 00:26:06,732 You alright? You're looking... 475 00:26:06,815 --> 00:26:07,983 Ow! 476 00:26:23,957 --> 00:26:26,543 -Ruari, you home? -Yeah, I just got back. 477 00:26:29,171 --> 00:26:30,506 Mum, I'm sorry about... 478 00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:32,466 It's fine. It's fine. 479 00:26:32,549 --> 00:26:34,802 It's not fine. I was awful. 480 00:26:34,885 --> 00:26:38,722 Look, you were hurting, so you hurt me. And that's just how it goes. 481 00:26:39,598 --> 00:26:41,767 If your dad was still around, he'd be the one getting it, so. 482 00:26:43,352 --> 00:26:44,394 You know. 483 00:26:45,187 --> 00:26:46,647 Maybe that's my fault, too. 484 00:26:50,025 --> 00:26:52,069 How was the rest of your night with... 485 00:26:52,152 --> 00:26:55,322 Yeah, it was good. Yeah, how was yours? 486 00:26:55,405 --> 00:26:57,825 Yeah. Yeah. Good. 487 00:26:57,908 --> 00:26:59,451 Yeah, made some great friends. 488 00:27:00,035 --> 00:27:01,495 Created some wonderful memories. 489 00:27:06,792 --> 00:27:08,252 Can I get in with you for a minute? 490 00:27:20,305 --> 00:27:22,891 Have you ever weighed yourself before and after you took a shit 491 00:27:22,975 --> 00:27:24,393 to see what the difference is? 492 00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:26,186 -I imagine if they added... -Is this someone you know? 493 00:27:26,270 --> 00:27:27,729 Mum, stop. Just stop. 494 00:27:27,813 --> 00:27:30,023 ...so you didn't even need to do the maths. 495 00:27:30,107 --> 00:27:32,568 Like, I am dead-ass serious, guys. 496 00:27:32,651 --> 00:27:34,069 I'm not playing. 497 00:27:34,153 --> 00:27:36,530 Guys, it's not funny. I was AFK. 498 00:27:37,531 --> 00:27:40,659 It's like a, like, AI thing. 499 00:27:40,742 --> 00:27:42,911 Oh, my God! That's magic! 500 00:27:48,208 --> 00:27:49,710 That was good.